Seannie Wan's SummerSlam Preview

Let me start by saying that SUMMERSLAM and the SURVIVOR SERIES are my least favorite pay-per-views. Of course, both cards feature high-profile matches and returning superstars that are generally not found on your average WWE pay-per-view that is not one of "The Big Four" pay-per-views (Royal Rumble, Wrestlemania, SummerSlam and the Survivor Series). That said, I find that professional wrestling takes a creative break shortly after Wrestlemania until after Survivor Series. It wasn't always this way, but it is now and it looks as though it will be as long as the WWE's roster is split into three very uneven and, for the most part, lackluster brands.

I'll save skewing the WWE for another blog. We're on the eve of the summer's biggest pro-wrestling event and I'm going to give my rundown on the card. Overall, I think SummerSlam 2007 will set the stage for story lines and feuds leading up to Wrestlemania 24 in Florida. I am actually excited for the main event of John Cena defending the WWE Championship against Randy Orton. I am excited to see Triple H. I am actually even a bit excited to see Rey Mysterio return. What I am most excited about is the prospect of finding out who exactly is Mr. McMahon's illegitimate son. Hopefully, it will be revealed. I'm very happy that the WWE and the jackasses from MTV's Jackass had a falling out. I would be very unwilling to allow The Kidd to drop fifty bucks on a pay-per-view to watch these guys wrestle Umaga.

DIVAS BATTLE ROYAL:
Yeah, I'm not that into this match in anyway whatsoever. I'm not a big fan of watching women's wrestling. It's awkward and sloppy and no matter how skimpy the outfits are, they can't hide the fact that I'm watching awkward and sloppy wrestling. So, for the Diva's Battle Royal, I think I'll be pouring myself some coca-cola or eating a slice of pizza or making a phone call. I like Mickie James, but I don't think she'll be getting anymore of a push. She has talent and charisma more so than any other diva on the WWE roster, but it matters little as she gets lost in the shuffle. Candice Michelle is hot, but she's not a entertaining wrestler. The same goes for Melina. I'd never thought I'd see the day when I missed Trish Stratus and Lita. Oh well... The winner gets a shot at Candice Michelle's title. In a perfect world, the title shot would take place on the inaugural edition of a late Saturday night WWE program which features Diva's only. This new program would get ratings from lonely guys hanging out at home and it would save me the pain of watching a Diva tag match every Monday night.
WINNER: Melina... Beth Phoenix is another diva I could see winning and getting a title shot, but the WWE has invested allot into the Melina/Candice Michelle feud that I don't think they'd throw another diva into the "upper-echelon."

FINLAY vs. KANE
The WWE Smackdown brand is sooooo lacking in talent and interesting stories and anything resembling a good idea. Need proof? Take a look at this match. What a snoozer... I like Kane. Everybody likes Kane. I like Finlay too. However, I have no interest in what they're doing. Neither one has an interesting character anymore. Neither is involved in any interesting story. Finlay and Kane are what I like to call "Emergency Main Eventers." They do nothing all year, yet their profile remains the same. They don't job, but they don't get pushed. They remain... silent... waiting... biding their time for an Edge or an Undertaker to go down with an injury and BAM! They're wrestling Batista or Flair for the World Heavyweight Title by default. Anyway, it seems Finlay spilt coffee on Kane and Kane is pissed and the whole situation has snowballed into the Smackdown undercard match at SummerSlam. Wooptie Doo.
WINNER: Kane... If anybody else gets hurts, he's going to get the World Heavyweight Title because there is literally nobody else that can carry it... and by carry it, I mean physically carry it... take a look at the Smackdown roster; it consists of Batista, Khali, Kane and fifteen cruiserweights. So, I can't see him losing and I can't see this feud continuing.

UMAGA (champion) vs. CARLITO vs. MR. KENNEDY for the Intercontinental Championship
I'm not a Triple Threat Match fan. Once in awhile they're interesting, but at this point in time, they're overused and beaten to death. It's an "easy out," and I think that The Kidd will agree with me. However, all three participants in this match are deserving of a high-profile match for a title. Umaga is just holding the title. He doesn't necessarily need it to get over and if the WWE is going to turn him face, they'd be better off feuding him with Santino Morella over the heart of Maria... sort of a Beauty and the Beast storyline. Regardless, he doesn't need this belt and I don't see him keeping it. The Intercontinental Title has lost any meaning over the last ten years. There are so many titles in the WWE that this one gets the shaft. It's unfortunate because it used to be a very important title. So, if Umaga is going to drop it on Sunday, who is going to become the new IC champion? Carlito doesn't impress me. He has decent microphone skills, but he's not exciting and he's not charismatic. He's kinda boring, to be honest. However, I think that Vince McMahon and the WWE have big plans for Mr. Kennedy... perhaps he is McMahon's illegitimate son... For the love of Thor, he won the Money in the Bank at Wrestlemania in what I thought was the best finish of any of the MITB matches. I think him winning the IC title would be a step backwards. However, he is no longer on the Smackdown roster where he would have no doubt won the World Heavyweight Title by now. He is on the RAW roster... where the big boys play...
WINNER: Misterrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Kennnedyyyyyyyy...... kennedy. He's about to get a monster push and this match is where it gets started.


John Morrison (champion) vs. CM Punk for the ECW Championship
This match would have been interesting if it was the first meeting between the two. It would have been interesting if John Morrison hadn't defeated CM Punk cleanly on several occassions. Now it's just boring. I don't care about this match or any other match that involves anybody else on the ECW roster. ECW is a shell of what it was. It shouldn't be called ECW. It shouldn't exist. The roster should be put on Smackdown... then, perhaps, I might be able to sit through an entire program on Friday night. Anyway, I thought the powers that be were gearing up to push Punk. He keeps losing to John Morrison though. So, I guess they are pushing John Morrison? Whatever... I don't even care to comment.
WINNER: CM Punk... this guy is talented and if he keeps losing to John Morrison, I don't see how he'll ever get a proper push... which I think he will one day deserve.


REY MYSTERIO vs. CHAVO GUERRERO
Oh man, does Smackdown need Rey Mysterio back or what... I've heard from several publications that Mysterio had been told to never wrestle again by a handful of doctors. I've heard that Mr. McMahon has pressured him to return before he is ready. Hmmm... It'll be nice to see him, but I'd really hate to see this guy dead in three years. Besides all that, this match is pretty cut and dry. Mysterio, the former World Champion, is returning after being out of action for over a year and is wrestling the man who put him out of commission at a high-profile pay-per-view...
WINNER: Rey Mysterio... duh.

The Great Khali (champion) vs. Batista for the World Heavyweight Championship
This match is going to be really boring. The Great Khali is too slow to be a wrestler. Batista is just a bad worker. I can't believe that this is the best Smackdown has to offer. Poor Edge... he would be smack-dab in a long, well-deserved World Title run. I never thought I would be hoping that Batista would win a World Title match, but I can't bear watching the Great Khali lumber around the ring holding the Championship Belt upside down.
WINNER: The Great Khali... I get the feeling that the Smackdown writers have big plans for Khali's title run. I don't seeing it end at SummerSlam... even though it should

Triple H vs. King Booker
The triumphant return of The Game... The Cerebral Assassin... The Connecticut Blue blood... The Leader of D-Generation X... The King of Kings... This is a no-brainer in the same way that Rey Mysterio and Chavo Guerrero is a no-brainer. Triple H will win. Duh. It probably won't be that great of a match. It'll be nice to see Triple H though. I'm a big fan of his.
WINNER: Triple H.

John Cena (champion) vs. Randy Orton for the WWE Championship
Cena and Orton are great pals outside of the ring. Normally, that might make a match better as the talent would work very well together. In this situation, I don't think it will matter. Cena has gotten better, but he still sucks. Orton works well, but he really needs to be wrestling with someone better than Cena. Neither guy can carry a match. However, each man can sell dramatic high points, so I think the finish will be something to remember. It's been decided that John Cena does not need the WWE Championship to get over with the crowd. It's been decided that knowledgeable wrestling fans are angry that he has the title and the audience that Cena gets over with and the audience that the WWE is trying to get Cena over with will not be phased if he no longer has the title. Orton - obviously now out of the doghouse - has been carrying the RAW brand on his back all summer long and is overdue for a championship run. Cena is due to take a month of and film "The Marine 2."
WINNER: ...and newwwwwww WWE Champion... "The Legend Killer,"... Randy Orton. It's his time.