Leave It To Cena, WMXXIV hopexpectations!!

John Cena's injury was for fans everywhere a blessing in broad daylight. That is why his surprise early return, in the royal rumble match, and subsequent victory and green light immediately back to the main event at the years biggest event is to those same fans(and his peers) so catastrophically bad. I can't think of a single other situation which would leave such a bad taste in my mouth about advancements in modern medicine and physically therapy, than john cenas super speedy recovery to a serious injury. It just doesnt seem fair. It's no miracle. Curse.. That's the word. Seannie said it best about our wrestlemania smiles..
..the trip itself however, will only include sean and i, despite what was said in a previous post about the inclusion of our subordinates. Sorry guys. Furthermore, as the undisputed 2007 writer/personality/OIW fan icon/etc. of the year, and more importantly, #1 in all of your puny hearts i can assure you, that when I take our friend Seannie to WMXXIV, it will be like taking him to hell and back and when the smoke settles, somebody will be chokeslammed in the name of the FATHER, and the SON, and the ..(fan interaction).

Pressing foward..

So everybodies always asking me, 'so, the kid, what type of card would you like to see for wrestlemania based on events of the present?'
So basically, as of right now, anyway, i present my wrestlemania hopexpectations:

$ in the bank:
(It's difficult to include all of the superstars i want to see in the card, and all the superstars that are just going to be booked regardless of what i hopexpectate, no denying. That being said i also can't deny that this match especially is WWe's way to include any extra mid to main event level personas on the years card. Yatta yatta yatta i am going to go with the 8 man match for inclusions sake and also the sake of likelyhood, but i am doing it with the match itself in mind, though i did give thought to some Bautista involvement)
Here we go.

Shelton Benjamin Big Show
Snitsky Rey Mysterio
MVP Matt Hardy
Jon Morrison Umaga

Chk.

HHH v. JBL-it only makes too much sense to me to start up a huge fued between these two huge egos on either side of the goodguy/badguy spectrum, while that is still the case. This match and its build up has limitless heat potential for both. Jbl is awesome at being evil personified.

Kennedy v. Y2J -What would be better, the verbal banter between two gifted stickmen, or the action packed edge of your seat match they would put on? nO, seriously, i cant figure it out.

Taker v. Cena - Cena chooses the smackdown, uh i mean world title to challeng for at WMXXIV meanwhile takers wins the title from Edge at no way out (with help from the debuting 'Othertakers' in fending off Edge's 'Edgeheads'), forcing two guys who nobody can see losing a match at this years wrestlemania to square off.

Flair v. Orton- for the wwe championship. High Stakes.

Michaels v. jeff Hardy- i dunno, maybe one of them should turn heel since being a face hasn't really brought too much perspective good luck to either of them, and since the potential for a match classic between them is inevitable.

Edge v. Cm Punk, unveiled as one of the othertakers- I know what you're thinking,... and yor probably right.

London/Kendrick
Holly/Rhodes
Carlito/Mariella

in some sort of gimmick match. In the spirit of including the tag team division on the grandest stage of them all, as well as the above mentioned, for the most part talented competitors. Good stuff could go down if done right.

That wraps it up i didnt include a womens match but i do hope to see maria scantily clad to round out my evening. Chk again. I'll tell Seannie to post up on or before raw tommorrow to keep our beloved OIW fans in tune with our two cents, and Seannie? ..well Seannie will do just that because i have told him so. Cheers!

Royal Rumble...?

'What the fuck just happened?'
- John Kanteen moments after the Royal Rumble went off the air.


On behalf of the entire staff here at 'Outside Interference Wrestling,' and as head-editor/writer/idea man/athlete/babyface, I must apologize to the OIW Nation for the lack of posts and videos and pictures and polls and what has come to be known in some social circles as '...the most pro-wrestling fun on the Internet.'

I offer no excuses and I expect no sympathy as head-editor/writer/idea man/athlete/babyface of OIW. However, my colleague, and assistant to the head-editor/writer/idea man/athlete/babyface, The Kidd will be appearing at the Broadway Mall and trying to come up with legitimate reasons for our absence in your lives and assuming that you'll understand why we hadn't found seven (7) minutes over the last month and a half to type out the results of a Friday Night Smackdown.

The important thing is that during our hiatus, I've realized that I hate John Cena. I don't mean that I hate John Cena, the human being; I mean I hate John Cena, the WWE product. I don't hate the product of John Cena because he can't wrestle as well as half the talent in the WWE locker room. I don't hate the product of John Cena because is the ONLY attempt at a major story-line on the Raw brand. I don't hate the product of John Cena because he is a poor man's The Rock. I hate John Cena because he is crammed down my throat and I don't have the ability to refuse.

I am a wrestling fan and no matter how bad the WWE may get, I'm watching their show every Monday night. I get the same feeling of excitement and rush of adrenaline on the Sunday of a Pay-Per-View as I got when I was a 12 years old. I think that a well-constructed wrestling match, like Chris Benoit v. JBL at Wrestlemania 22, is art. I appreciate the amount of work needed to put a wrestling match together by both the performers and the announcers. I think a well-written storyline can be more compelling that many Hollywood films.
After last night's Rumble, I find myself questioning whether something I truly enjoyed my entire life is something I can enjoy anymore. But, I will keep watching.

I heard John Cena's music hit as the 30th entry into the Royal Rumble match and I knew that the show was over. Four enjoyable months of Monday Night Raw were flushed down the toilet. Great. My subordinates and I here at OIW have our Wrestlemania 24 tickets but we no longer have our Wrestlemania 24 smiles. That mother-fucker's music hit and I knew as soon as I saw him take off his 'Hustle Loyalty Respect' t-shirt that not only was he about to clear out the ring of 8 to 10 wrestlers that are more technically sound than he, but he would wind up winning the match... and not only would he win the match but he would be in the Main Event at Wrestlemania 24... and not only would he be in the Main Event at Wrestlemania 24, but he would win the WWE Championship... and not only would he win the WWE Championship, but he would be taking it back from Randy Orton... and not only would the Main Event of Wrestlemania 24 most likely be a Randy Orton - John Cena rematch, but the backup plan would probably be a Triple H - John Cena rematch.

It suddenly made sense why after 4 months of a strong push - and to be honest, probably the best push I've seen the WWE give someone is a few years - Jeff Hardy lost clean to the top-heel/doofus man-child WWE Champion Randy Orton. He lost clean because he's going to be headed back to mid-card status faster than you can put your stupid hand in front of your stupid face and wave it and say 'You can't see me.' That's it for Jeff Hardy, folks. Oh... and Mr. Kennedy... yeah, that's it for him too. Why? Well, duh... Triple H has to turn heel again so that John Cena can feud with him so that Vince McMahon will love Triple H even more because he puts over the top guy and does the right thing for the company and Triple H can further slip his poisonous talons into the business that I used to love so much so that when Vince McMahon finally dies, Triple H will be in complete control of the Sports Entertainment World. Yes sir, the Connecticut Blue Blood will be the Connecticut Dictator. I call it the 'McMahon-Helmsley Conspiracy.' Obviously, there is no longer room for Mr. Kennedy at the top of the heel food-chain. I guess he and Jeff Hardy are planning out their 'Money In The Bank' high-spots right now... as John Cena goes to shoot 'The Marine 2.'

Speaking of which, I've heard Greg Batista is in the sequel. He plays John Cena's fellow soldier who John Cena thought for dead when their caravan was attacked by blood-thirsty terrorists during Operation Iraqi Freedom. Turns out he survived but had to have his left leg and right arm replaced with a robot leg and a robot arm... also he was kidnapped and hypnotized into hating America. Long story short, the bad guy whips out a revamped, evil Batista and John Cena's like 'Jesus! Batista I thought you were dead!' John Cena has to fight Batista but doesn't really want to because Batista was his buddy but it's ok because at the end Batista is dehypnotized when he remembers this one time that John Cena risked his own life to save Batista's during the war - which obviously wasn't the time that Batista was thought to be killed - and saves the day by killing the bad guy... and the bad guy is played by Christopher Walken.

OH, the pain! Shane! Where are you?!? I fear that you are the WWE's last hope. Come back to television! Save us!

Or perhaps this is what Chris Jericho is saving us from?

Regardless, John Cena is back and along with him will come shitty wrestling television shows. I hate him.